The Hidden Struggle of the "Good Daughter-in-Law"
As I sit down to write this, I'm reminded of my friend Ayesha, who, despite being a high-achieving marketing professional, found herself at a crossroads. Married into a traditional Pakistani joint family system, she was expected to prioritize her role as a "good daughter-in-law" over her career ambitions. The pressure to conform to societal norms was suffocating, and she often felt like she was losing herself in the process. I remember her saying, "Log kya kahenge?" - what will people say? - as if the fear of judgment was a constant companion, dictating her every move.
This dilemma is all too familiar for many Pakistani women. We're socialized to believe that our primary role is to be a good wife, daughter, and daughter-in-law, often at the cost of our own dreams and aspirations. The joint family system, while providing a sense of security and community, can also be a significant obstacle to our professional growth. With the rising inflation and increasing cost of living in Pakistan, it's becoming essential for women to contribute to the family income, but the cultural expectations placed on us can make it challenging to pursue our career goals.
I want to debunk a common myth: you don't need a supportive husband to succeed; you need a plan. While having a supportive partner can be beneficial, it's not the only determining factor in achieving our goals. We need to take charge of our own lives, set boundaries, and prioritize our own needs. It's time to recognize that our career ambitions are not a luxury, but a necessity in today's economy, where the value of the Rupee (PKR) is constantly fluctuating against the Dollar.
Setting Boundaries
To navigate the complexities of the joint family system, it's essential to establish clear boundaries. This means communicating your needs and expectations to your family members, including your husband. It's not about being confrontational or aggressive; it's about being assertive and respectful. Ayesha, for instance, started by having an open conversation with her husband about her career goals and the support she needed from him. She also set boundaries with her in-laws, politely declining invitations to non-essential family gatherings that would interfere with her work schedule.
Managing In-Laws
Managing relationships with in-laws can be tricky, especially when they have different expectations from you. It's crucial to remember that you can't control how others behave, but you can control how you respond to them. Fatima, a successful entrepreneur, shared her strategy with me: she makes sure to show respect and gratitude towards her in-laws, but also maintains a healthy distance. She prioritizes her work and family time, and doesn't hesitate to say no to requests that compromise her own needs.
Prioritizing Professional Growth
Pursuing our career ambitions requires dedication, hard work, and a willingness to learn. It's essential to stay focused on our goals, even when faced with challenges and setbacks. Zara, a rising star in the corporate world, attributes her success to her ability to prioritize her professional growth. She invests time in learning new skills, attending networking events, and seeking mentorship from experienced professionals. Despite the occasional load shedding and power outages, she stays committed to her goals, often working from a local coffee shop or co-working space.
Meet Ayesha, who, after setting boundaries and prioritizing her career, managed to launch her own marketing consultancy. She now works with clients from all over Pakistan, and has even started to mentor young women who are just starting their careers. Her story is a testament to the fact that, with determination and hard work, we can achieve our goals and create a better life for ourselves and our families.
💡 Quick Win
Today, take 10 minutes to reflect on your own career ambitions and the obstacles that are holding you back. Write down three things you can do this week to move closer to your goals, whether it's attending a networking event, taking an online course, or simply having a conversation with your husband about your needs. Remember, every small step counts, and it's never too late to start making progress towards your dreams.
As we navigate the complexities of the joint family system and the cultural expectations placed on us, it's essential to stay true to ourselves and our aspirations. We owe it to ourselves to pursue our passions, to grow professionally, and to create a life that is authentic and fulfilling. So, let's make a conscious decision to prioritize our own needs, to set boundaries, and to support one another in our journey towards financial freedom and professional growth.
